Computer Lesson # 1: Seven Steps To Fixing Your DSL
Swing dancing is only one of my great passions. Computers is another. I am a full time UNIX system administrator and part-time computer jack-of-all-trades. With that in mind, I figured perhaps putting a few "real-world" accounts of me fixing problems would be a great resource for many of you out there. So here you go. Enjoy!

Problem Background: DSL / internet access is out

We had unplugged the computers and network devices in the back office so we could paint the walls of the room. When we moved the furniture back again and I hooked up the home network our DSL service remained down.

Here is a simple diagram for your reference:

        

STEP 1: Isolating The Problem
Using the scientific method, take out one variable at a time.

Any one part of the diagram above can be causing the problem. So start by taking out some items in the diagram, testing the configuration, and seeing if it works. It helps to make educated guesses when you can. For example, the wireless router (a.k.a. "router") has had a history of acting up and has not worked as fully advertised. Let's take that out first, giving us:

      

Sure enough, hooking the computer directly into the modem without having to use the router worked. At this point you can probably start notifying anyone around (for exmaple, your wife) "I'm betting we're going to need a new router".

If you're right, you will score some computer whiz points for having such foresight.

If you're wrong, you will score some computer whiz points for being able to give at least some diagnosis this early on.

WIN WIN BABY!

STEP 2: Prepare Additional Supplies To Help Diagnose And Fix
What's handy to have in a network situation is a handful of cables you know are working

So what we need to do is round up a bunch of cables. Then in the system above which is known to be working (internet is up), take one of the cables out and replace it with a new cable you found. If the internet stays up, we have a working cable!

After this step you should be armed with a good handful (in this case, five) of 10-BASE-T cables which are known to work.

STEP 3: Further Diagnose The Problem (And Fix If Possible)
We now put the offending piece of equipment back in and test ..

Putting the wireless router back in we have

        

And does it work? No, it does not. So we've isolated the problem to:

    

Considering that the LEDs on the router are nasty orange and not happy green, I am not hopeful.

To be thorough, which a good computer whiz always is, the next step is to make sure for some wacky reasons the cables are not causing the problems. We have a total of seven cables (two in the diagram plus five in the hand) and two cable placements (left side and right side of router). That gives us a total number of 7 * 6 = 42 different combinations to try.

In the interest of time and perhaps more to the point to not hear your wife say, "FREAK! You're going to try all forty combinations?!" (to which the wrong reply is "It's forty-two, not forty"), we will only try five different combinations.

And sadly in each combination, the router is not happy and has the bad depressing orange lights. So now we know we need to replace the router with a new one.

STEP 4: Milk It. Milk It For What It's Worth
This is an important step as it will help you increase your reputation as a whiz to those around you. Steps may vary but below is a general guideline of what you may expect.

Curse The Evil Piece Of Equipment.
Most effective when people are around, say for example, the wife. Something along the lines like:

"I have been using this brand of network equipment for years with no problems. But this wireless router has been giving me problems .. their quality has slipped. I'm definitely going with [Other Brand] of router next time. They've gotten good reviews and are much more reliable. So we'll need a new router. Probably $100 to $200..."

You now sound like an ace and the people near you will be impressed!

Be Prepared For Others To Suggest Advice.
Such as, oh I don't know, your wife saying

"Well, can't you just shake it or something?"

Take A Moment To Explain To Others (such as, your wife) The Intricacies Of Computer Repair
This comes with experience but if you don't have the experience, just make it up as you go. In this instance, first point out that this "shake it / whack it" fix is pretty good for toner. It can also be helpful for other things with moving parts such as printers, computers, hard drives, etc. Sometimes a good WHACK is exactly what is needed for a piece of equipment to right its course.

And then explain how with network equipment, the proper fix is to not "shake it" but instead to "hokey-pokey" it:

you push the cable in
you pull the cable out
you push the cable in
and you jiggle it all about

From here you can continue to curse the router and tell your wife that you will be purchasing a new router tomorrow.

STEP 5: Remember, She's Your Wife
Seriously, remember ... she's your wife!

So if she hypothetically says something like:

"Buy a new one? Really? Are you sure you can't just shake it?"

Just remember you are married for life to this person and it's easier to just do it, show it doesn't work, and silently know "I Told You So" then to draw it out into a long debate

STEP 6: Make A Last Ditch Repair Effort
It behooves you to make one last effort... to make sure you have not overlooked the tiniest little thing. You can still save the day!

For example, as you are shaking the router to appease your wife *grumble grumble*, it's possible the power cord to the router might pop loose. At this point you can then find that the power cord plugged into the router all this time was actually the power cord for the computer speakers (HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?!). Of course this power cord would not be powerful enough to power the router, leaving all the ports orange.

At which point you can triumphantly hunt down the proper power cord, plug it in, and watch all the ports come up a happy green!! You have TRIUMPHED!!

STEP 7: Seriously, Don't Gloat
Take it in stride. You are, in fact, the man.

Sure sure, your wife may start to laugh hysterically at you, claiming that "Hey! Shaking the router worked see!" and other jibberish. Yeah, that's fine. Let her have her fun. You still know that at the end of the day it was YOU who fixed the problem. As easy as it would have been to just say "Yeah, we need to buy a new router" you knew to hang in there. You knew you would be able to fix it and save you and your wife $200.

You have thusly earned the right to tell anyone who is still around and interested, "Oh yeaaaahhhhhh" (just like the Macho Man with one pinky in the air).