"Ahhh ... Just Screw It!"

Three years ago today on May 3, 2003, Sheri and I tied the wedding knot on a gorgeous (slightly rainy) day at Coyote Hills Country Club in Fullerton, California.

So yes, Happy THREE YEAR Wedding Anniversary to us!

And now to the point of the article (which hopefully you haven't misguessed .. you know me saying it's our anniversary and having the article title be what it is)

To get the full meaning behind this, here's a bit of background for you.

Sheri and I happen to be very practical people. One example is we're practical about money. When it comes to holiday gifts (Christmas, Valentine's, etc) we sometimes feel guilty about buying each other extravagant gifts - so we don't. After all the money could be better put towards home improvement, mortgage payments, car loan payments, school loan payments, our savings, etc.

Another example is time off and travel. Instead of going out of town for our previous wedding anniversaries or anything else, we spend our vacation to teach at out of town events (such as Beantown which occurs in June which is "close enough" to a vacation getaway for our May anniversary)

Like I said ... practical.

In fact one year I remember for Christmas we told each other what we planned on getting each other and that was enough to warm our hearts. Then we went and logged into our ING Direct account and rebalanced our mutual funds.

This one specific holiday I remember I had discussed with her about buying us an iPod or some sort of mp3 player. Just because they're really cool. But of course they have a practical use too ... to hold our music and video clips and things like that.

But did we really need it? It'd be nice, but we didn't really need it.

In fact that's when we started talking about PDAs. Because Sheri's broke and she was using mine. We could get a PDA like an HP iPaq that has a SD card slot. We could put the music on that way and use that as an mp3 player.

Then again ..did we REALLY need a PDA? I was okay without mine. And we could use the money towards something else.

Like I said ... practical.

But not in a bad way necessarily ... It just meant we really didn't think it was a high priority to get these things.

So if you haven't guessed by now, Sheri and I for the last two years have not bought each other a wedding anniversary gift. We've gone out to dinner or something. But not a real gift. And I started thinking a few months ago ... you know it's not a forced holiday like New Year's or Valentine's. It's OUR holiday. It's our wedding anniversary and it should be special as it is our day. So this year we decided to make up for it and buy each other three years worth of anniversary gifts. No more than $10 for each gift.

Looking online, the traditional gifts are as follows:

First Year: Paper
Second Year: Cotton
Third Year: Leather

So yesterday afternoon I started thinking ... paper was easy. Like a wedding card. Cotton is easy - she likes socks. Leather? Well, Sheri likes Coach stuff. But that's way over $10. Usually $80 to $90 for really small accessories (wallets). $120 and more for the handbags. Hmm ... maybe fruit leather? Like fruit roll-ups? She likes that.

And all of the sudden I just thought:

"Ahhh ... Just Screw It!"

Seriously ... why not? I mean sometimes it's okay to throw caution to the wind .. And there are some things in life that shouldn't be taken that seriously anyway. In the grand scheme of things, the $80 to $120 won't break me so ... we'll have fun with it... so really:

"Ahhh ... Just Screw It!"

I decided to get Sheri something at the Coach store.

Coach has a lot of nice things by the way ... including iPod cases (ha ha) in the $40 to $60 range. Although after closer inspection all their iPod cases are for the old iPods, not the new ones. And we didn't have an iPod anyway. So maybe a handbag or something. Backpack. Wallet. You know.

At which point inspiration struck me again.

"Ahhh ... Just Screw It!"

The Apple store was just a few stores down. A quick double check at Coach for their iPod cases .. and yup - they're all outdated. So I got Sheri a gift certificate from Coach. They have some nice side bags that could easily function as iPod carrying cases - you could fit the iPod plus a few accessories in there too. So yeah, the gift certificate would do just fine.

At the Apple store, the new iPods were sleek. Audio and Video. Nice. And dynamic playlists. Rock on! 30gb and 60gb... yes we'll take the 60gb and eventually have family movies on there. Black or white. Okay hmm.... Okay so I'm not throwing all caution to the wind - I don't know if she'll like the black one or the white one. For sure we'd get the 60gig. So another gift certificate for the iPod.

And there you go. At this point I'm about 50 times over our $10 limit.

"Ahhh ... Just Screw It! I'm getting this for my wife."

(Of course I also stopped by Lady Foot Locker to by her some socks).

(Wouldn't you know the socks I picked out when I looked on the back to see how much cotton they had .. they had NONE! Polyster/spandex blend. So yeah she ended up getting two pairs of socks).

Okay back to the story. Of course being clever I gave her the socks first (cotton), followed by a printout of the Coach iPod holder (paper) followed by the gift certificate to get the iPod holder (leather).

"No.. you shouldn't get me this .... it's more than $10!"

(wait until she sees what's next)

"Nah - just get yourself the iPod holder. That's the leather portion of your gift."

(wait for it)

"But we don't have an iPod?"

Ahhh... followed by the Apple gift card with a picture of an iPod on it labeled as "Leather accessory".



Yup ..she was surprised. Elated in fact. Before the "Ben and Sheri Practicality" came in seconds later. Do we need it? We don't really need it ... etc...

At which point I told her my "Ahhh ... Screw it." story and whether she liked it or not that's what her gift was going to be.

Okay I got through about half the story really ... that's as far as she would let me go before she laughed at me and surrendered.

"Okay okay ... I'll take it. I love it! Not so practical, but .. Ahhh ... Just Screw It!"

(by the way, when you see Sheri, make sure to ask about the iPod. I told her I'd tell everyone to ask her about it and she responded, "So you really are going to force me to get this aren't you?"... aren't I a stinker?). And that's the end of the story.

If you've gotten this far, yes there is a point.

"Ahhh ... Just Screw It."

That's what every dancer should tell themselves every once in awhile. That's what dance scenes need to remind themselves of every so often.

It's very easy to get wrapped up and even obsessed with swing dancing - me included for sure. Getting better, going to workshops, learning new things, being afraid to make mistakes - we can easily get way too pratcical and precise about our dancing. And that's a lot of the reason we all hit plateaus in our dancing (what, you thought you were the only one?)

Add to that my theory that a large contingent of dancers you could categorize as shy and inhibited. In fact I used to say that swing dancing was clubbing for the non-clubbing. A way for non-clubbing to go out at night and have fun. Non-clubbing people tend to be more inhibited on a dance floor. And be more worried about messing up and making mistakes.

Again ... it's very easy for us to be very practical and precise about our dancing.

When this comes out in your dancing, it's even worse and gets more frustrating. You might have a great idea for a move, a styling, something you hear in the music, but you only commit to it half way because of your practicality and that makes it come out fudged and half-assed. I know because I've been there many times. I actually am an elected official of half-assed-Ville. (Come visit, enjoy the scenery).

And at that time it behooves us all to remember that it's a dance. Sure it's okay to be practical about it and want to get better, even stress about getting better, but it is a DANCE. And it should ultimately be about having fun. Not about getting things right or wrong.

In other words , from time to time when you feel yourself stressing too much about the dance, give yourself a break and repeat after me:

"Ahhh ... Just Screw It!"

And have some fun!